Just Breathe
by Natsu
Summary: Totally AU. The World's at war and there's civil war in Japan. Friends, family and lovers are torn apart by their beliefs and each morning could be the last. Yaoi. Angst. Language. And all that good stuff ^^(Hmm...this makes it sound better than it actual
1. Default Chapter

Just Breathe

~Natsu~

A/N: This part really seems to drag a bit to me, but I had to explain it all before anything major can happen. I promise the next part will be more exciting. One note…I know that in Japan most people are…Buddhist? Is that right? Well, whatever it is, I don't know enough about it to actually include that religion in a fic, so…to stop me making a fool of myself, in this fic, everyone is Christian. Okay? No offence meant, nothing implied, it's just for the sake of argument. I've never written anything like this before, and I just know it's gonna turn out crap. I think I've been playing too much Final Fantasy and watching too much Gundam Wing, you know…

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Basic idea: The World's at War. This is kind of a 'what if' fic, like what if somewhere really got blown up during the Cuban missile crisis and it caused a third world war. There's civil war in Japan, with two sides; the Kágè Senshii and the Tetsú Senshii. That's about it really. Hope you're not too confused .

'She knows the human heart   
And how to read the stars   
Now everything's about to fall apart   
I won't be the one who's going to let you down   


The trick is to keep breathing'

~Garbage

Ishida Yamato was known for his short temper. It was common knowledge among the agents working under him that it was in your best interest to stay on his good side. As some soldiers would snidely remark after he had left a room, "Never had a fucking temper to lose in the first place". Maybe it was hereditary; Takeru saw more of Yamato's father in him every time he looked at his dear oniisan, but whatever it was, it seemed to have momentarily seeped out of Yamato's character. For at this moment, one time when he should really be angry, he was doing nothing but pacing calmly with his hands folded behind his back. Takeru sat rigidly at the kitchen table, staring intensely at the swirling grain of the pine, not daring to meet his aniki's eyes. He glanced up as he heard Yamato pull out a chair from the table and swallowed hard as he watched him sit down. He wasn't acting at all like he normally would. He was taking it so calmly…and sitting forwards in the chair. Normally when he was just talking to Takeru, he would turn the chair around and sit backwards, arms resting casually over the wooden back. But seeing him take a seat in the conventional way, Takeru knew he was deadly serious.

Yamato leant his elbows on the table and folded his fingers together in front of him, resting his lips against the delicate curves of his knuckles. Takeru bit his lip, wishing that he had the courage to speak first…and normally he would, but…it was different now. 

Finally, Yamato lifted his gaze and drew a breath.

"Takeru…I hope you realise what you're doing." He said quietly, and the younger boy hesitated before nodding slowly. "You sure?" This time the movement of his head was much more decisive. Yamato sighed and got roughly to his feet. He walked a few paces away from the table before turning sharply, fire dancing in his icy eyes. Takeru almost changed his mind there and then, he could tell that if he kept pushing this he would be in for the shouting match of his life, but he had to do it. He was going to make his aniki understand if it killed him. Which, judging by the look in Yamato's eyes, it might well do. "What about Mom and Dad, huh? Have you forgotten what killed them?! What about your beliefs? You're just gonna forget it all?!"

"I…," Takeru started and swallowed again, "I thought…you'd understand"

"Understand?! What's to understand? You're suddenly switching loyalties, just like that! I thought you believed in what we stand for!" The mirror image of Takeru's own eyes blazed into him, daring him to retaliate. And retaliate, he did, getting to his feet and moving around to stand in front of Yamato. If he had to do this, he might as well do it properly.

"Stop it, Yamato! You sound just like your father! YOU never believed in it, so how do you expect me to?!" He rushed on before Yamato had a chance to answer back. "It's bullshit, all of it! We both just went along with what Mom and Dad believed! You're fighting for them, not for the cause! But you know something, Matt? They're DEAD! They're dead and they're not coming back, so you don't have to perform for them anymore! I don't know where along the line you suddenly started caring about what they thought, but it doesn't matter anymore! They're not around to make me stay, so instead of this, I might as well fight for something I actually care about!" Yamato's face stayed cold and impassive, but Takeru could tell from his eyes that the words had hit home.

"And what would that be?" he asked calmly, and Takeru hesitated, despite his impressive scene. "It's Hikari, isn't it?" Takeru nodded, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

"I hate this," he replied, voice wavering, "I hate it so much…but I can't…I can't…"

"I know."

"I…Matt, I'm sorry…"

"Do you have any idea how hard it'll be for me to have to fight AGAINST you? Hell TK, I can't even yell at your properly, let alone…y'know." Takeru closed his eyes and took another deep breath…this was the part of the conversation he had been dreading, mostly because he already knew what the answer would be.

"But you don't have to." He said cautiously.

"Takeru - "

"You don't! Matt, you can…you can come with me," he rushed on desperately, seeing the way his aniki sighed and looked away sadly, "Then we wouldn't have to fight each other! You don't believe in what either side stands for, so if you have to fight for something, then why can't it be -"

"Takeru, stop it. You know perfectly well that I can not join the Tetsú Senshii."

"But why?"

"TK! They'd never accept me! I'd be shot on sight! I've caused too much trouble for them to just say 'oh sure, forgive and forget, right?' Sorry, TK, but it ain't gonna happen"

"But if Tai –"

"Tai's not gonna do anything to protect me either, so you can just forget about that. You know what your problem is, TK? You have too much faith in humanity. And even if they did all decide to suddenly turn good Samaritan, you know that I can't leave the Kágè Senshii. They need me. Think about it. You know all this already, you just don't want to accept it." Takeru looked down at his feet, desperately trying not to cry. 

"I know," he whispered "but what if…"

"Don't make this harder than it is!" Yamato cried, his own voice choked with tears. "Takeru, look at me." The boy complied, lifting his eyes and meeting those of his aniki. "If this is really what you want…then…then, I'll stand by you. But you have to understand that once it's done, it's done. You can't change your mind. And you have to understand that the Tetsú Senshii will be more dangerous. You won't have me to cover for you any more. You'll be on your own."

"I understand." Takeru said formally.

"And you have to realise," Yamato paused, trying to grasp what he was about to say, "you have to realise that…you won't be able to see me again for a long time. Maybe not ever. Mimi and Koushiro too. Because if…if something were to happen to…"

"I understand." Takeru repeated, not feeling that he truly did. 

"And do you accept that?" Yamato said, reverting to the standard speech. Takeru nodded, sensing Yamato's sudden change of role from older brother to military superior.

"I do, Yamato-san." Takeru said, the required response during these events.

"And do you pass your loyalties permanently to the Tetsú Senshii?"

"I do, Yamato-san."

"And you accept that you will no longer be a part of the Kágè Senshii, and thereby relinquish all benefits and…and contact with…with…" Yamato stopped and swallowed hard, finding it difficult to remember the words that he had repeated so many times. But Takeru knew them. And they didn't need to be said.

"I do, Yamato-san" he repeated. He had seen this ceremony many times, but he never for a second thought that he'd be on the receiving end of the accusing questions asked by Yamato. This had to be the hardest part. He couldn't bear not being able to be in contact with Yamato and his Kágè friends.

"Well then. You, Takaishi Takeru, being of consenting mind, body…and heart, I hereby formally strip you of your position, your accomplishments and of…of your honour as a Kágè Senshii," Yamato said. He stepped forward, reached out and ripped the Kágè Senshii badge from Takeru's navy uniform. Takeru winced as he did so. This was it; it felt as his part of him was being torn away with that sleek silver badge. He looked into his oniisan's misty eyes, meeting them with as much dignity as he could muster.

Yamato blinked back fresh tears as he completed the speech. "May God be with you. Goodbye TK." He said briskly.

"Goodbye oniichan." Takeru muttered quietly, well aware that with the tag of traitor now attached to his name, he could be executed for not addressing Yamato formally, but he couldn't have cared less. In fact, an execution would end all his problems. He watched in silence as his brother turned away from him and pulled his phone from the inside pocket of his black Fourth Division Kágè uniform. He pressed a single button and spoke into the phone.

"This is Ishida Yamato, I would like an exchange escort sent to my house immediately please. No less than three…Yes…Yes, to the Tetsú Senshii …No, not her…No, you may not. Just send the damn escort, I don't have all day." He snapped, rang off and tucked the phone back into his pocket. He glanced once at his brother, still standing uncertainly, head held high, then turned to pour himself a cup of coffee while he waited for Takeru's escort to arrive.

* * * * * * * * * *

"That bastard's going DOWN!" Hiromi cried enthusiastically, punching the air in front of her to emphasise her words. Taichi glanced absently at his companion. Being only 26, she would have been the youngest Tetsú Senshii General had it not been for him. Taichi was 21, and it was unusual for someone so young to achieve the rank of General. But he had managed it…somehow. "Him and all his fucking cowardly spies!" The snow crunched beneath Hiromi's boots as she threw back her head, shouting her claims into the attentive night sky.

Taichi kept walking steadily…it was way too cold to mess about tonight, and he was exhausted from a day of punishing training. The two had originally been quite close, but now he actually didn't much like Hiromi. They stuck together when they were working though, because the other three Tetsú Generals were all over forty. Plus, walking alone in the city after dark was never safe for high-ranking officers like themselves. They were prime targets for the First Division that always prowled the dark streets. So, it had become somewhat of a ritual that the two would meet up after a day's work and walk home together. They were both part of the same accommodation block, so it had made perfect sense at the time. 

But on days like today when Hiromi had too much sugar inside her and was starting to get kind of trigger happy, Taichi wondered whether he'd be safer braving the walk alone. Hiromi always struck him as somebody who was not entirely sane. When they'd first met, she'd seemed perfectly nice, but as things got more intense she'd started to go a bit…funny. After her fiancé had been killed in an attack on some office block Taichi had noticed that she'd become increasingly distracted. 

Hiromi giggled maniacally as she kicked at an empty beer can and jogged a few paces to fall in step with Taichi. 

"What d'you think, Tai-kun?" She asked 

"Hmm?"

"We're gonna get him, right?" The 'him' she was referring to was of course Akira Sakaguchi the leader of the infamous Kágè Senshii Fourth Division – an elite group of spies that had been causing hell for the Tetsú Senshii since the start of the war. 

"Yeah, I guess so…"

"Good Boy! That's the spirit!" Taichi watched anxiously as she pulled her gun from it's holster and began to aim at invisible enemies. He bit his lip. When she got like this it always scared him and in an attempt to distract her, he voiced his own thoughts.

"I don't get why we're so obsessed with getting Sakaguchi. Surely it wouldn't do any good? I mean…it's the spies themselves that are the bigger problem. Like those three that we keep hearing about?" Hiromi paused in the middle of shooting down the invisible Kágè soldiers (with sound effects) and turned to look at Taichi sharply.

"The Three Musketeers?"

"I…no, Hiromi."

"Oh. Well. That's okay then." The eh-eh-eh-eh machine gun noises started again as she waved the little gun frantically to her left. Taichi was never certain whether she was just acting for attention or…well he didn't like to think about the other option. 

"Yeah. Anyway…like I said, Sakaguchi doesn't actually do anything except give orders. Anyone could do that. We need to go for the really skilled spies. You know what I mean?"

"Sure. We'll just kill 'em all!"

"No, that's pointless. We need to get those three that set that explosive last week. I'm sure that they're the ones that really support the Fourth Division. And then we could work on training some half-decent spies of our own." Hiromi stopped again and looked at Taichi seriously.

"If we got rid of the threesome," she lost her composure at had to stifle a giggle at the mention of a mildly dirty word, but then continued rationally, "… but keep one for questioning, then we could find out who trains them all and get them working for us. Then we'd have a little elite group that's even better than theirs. And since we have the strongest army – their pathetic First Division would be a total joke if they didn't know all our plans beforehand because of those bloody spies – it could win the war for us." She beamed happily at her plan, eyes twinkling with the glorious light of sanity. For a moment Taichi was able to forget all her problems and view her once more as his friend and military partner. 

"Yeah!" He agreed enthusiastically. The end of the war was what he wanted more than anything. "But I don't think the others would go for it. You know how set they are on getting Sakaguchi."

"Well…if they don't agree, we'll just arrange everything ourselves. You and me, eh?"

"Alright then" Taichi said with a grin that quickly disappeared as Hiromi suddenly swung the gun round and pointed it at a poor defenceless snowman that stood, sad and lonely, in a deserted alley they were passing. The shot rang through the chill air as the round head suddenly exploded in a flurry of white. Hiromi blew the barrel of her gun like John Wayne in some cheesy black-and-white TV western and slipped it triumphantly back into its holster.

"Hiromi! That was some little kid's snowman!" Taichi said in disbelief.

"Yeah. And?" Taichi shook his head. 

"Come on, let's just get home." He said and quickened his pace before Hiromi could confuse him with a snowman.

* * * * * * * * * *

Yamato tapped his pencil irritably on the desk in front of him. He thought that when he'd left school years ago that that would have been the end of this kind of torture, but no. Maybe if he was really, really lucky today, some trigger happy Tetsú soldier would burst through a window with a machine gun and blow his head off before he was forced to commit suicide by means of multiple paper-cuts. Sure that death by paper would be a lot more painful he glanced hopefully at the scornfully dark and uninteresting window and mentally cursed the strong, expensive and verging-on–indestructible glass. 

"If I may draw your attention to the display on the screen here, you can clearly see the new formation of the troops in section B-9. We believe this to be an attempt on the part of the generals to…"

Yamato wondered if his pencil would be sharp enough to puncture a vein. 

"Of course it is of the utmost importance that we..."

Someone beside him groaned and Yamato's lips curved as he turned to see Tomohiro Ito slam his head against his desk in frustration

"Ito! This is important and I'd thank you to not try and knock yourself senseless while I'm talking!"

"Sorry, Akira-san. It'll never happen again." Tomohiro said through a grin after peeling his face from the wooden surface. 

"It better hadn't! I mean it Ito, you take this stuff far too lightly! You better watch yourself or you'll be the one wearing Lara's cocktail dress on the next assignment! You got that?!"

Tomohiro nodded, still smirking, and Akira scowled in annoyance and continued the lecture. Yamato caught Tomohiro's eye who winced and mouthed 'Shit, that hurt', before turning his attention to an elaborate doodle that had systematically been taking over the assignment brief in front of him since the start of the not-so-brief briefing. Yamato tried to look attentive as Akira threw a glance his way, but quickly sagged in his chair the second his commander turned his back. Why was it that they had to go through all this before every assignment? There had to be more useful things they could be doing with their time than this, this was war after all. Or if nothing useful, at least something more interesting. Yamato could think of a thousand and one different things that fell into the category of 'more interesting than this'. Having both his arms ripped off, for instance. 

"Yama–chan…" a familiar softly-accented voice sang enticingly from the seat behind him, providing him with a very interesting alternative to listening to Akira. Yamato tipped his head back to meet a pair of dark, heavy-lashed eyes staring out of a face that was tilted to one side. Lara Shibata raised an amused eyebrow at the sight of Yamato's upside down face and chewed one meticulously-lined lip as his enigmatic blue eyes burned into her own. 

"What?" He answered, mimicking Lara's flirtatious tone of voice. The girl was half-Italian and had her wholesome slut of a mother to thank for her classic Latin beauty. 

"Bored out of your mind?" she asked finally.

"Are you kidding?" Yamato answered easily and Lara was reminded once again of how her mother had ended up pregnant and alone miles from the comfort of home.

"Do you think anyone would *really* care if we helped the Tetsú out and just killed him now?" Lara asked, tipping her head towards Akira.

"Probably not. But can we really trust these guys not to rat us out?" Yamato said, referring to the dark-haired boy engrossed in his drawing and Mimi. Lara grinned.

"Well Mimi ain't gonna be a problem" She extended a finger to Yamato's cheek, guiding his face to the left so he could see Mimi at the desk next to him. She was leaning forward and although her silky hair concealed her face, it was pretty damn obvious that she was asleep. He couldn't suppress a laugh, and Akira was on him in a second.

"Would you care to tell me exactly what you find so amusing Matt? This is serious!" He shouted, the anger creasing his brow making him look much older than he actually was. Lara turned her face from their commander to hide her smile as Mimi jerked suddenly awake and nearly fell out of her chair at the sound of Akira's voice. Yamato sat up in his own chair again, desperately trying to wipe away his smirk, which would only irritate Akira further.

"Sorry." He said simply. Akira glared and grunted his disapproval, but said no more. Lara shook her head in disbelief. Yamato could…and probably did if Lara thought about it…get away with murder when it came to their commander. The two had trained together and were pretty tight. Tight to the extent, where there were countless rumours surrounding them. Not quite as many rumours as there were about Yamato and Mimi, though. They shared an apartment over in D-block, and as far as Lara could remember, they always seemed to come as a pair. She scowled at that thought. Maybe it was time she started some rumours about herself.

"So…you all have copies of the assignment. Nothing should go wrong…it's pretty straight-forward. No bombs, no guns, no hacking…just do what you do best, okay?" Akira said, studying the three spies before him. Yamato glanced at Mimi, who was staring, crestfallen at her hands clasped together and resting on the desk before her. She so badly wanted to be a part of this…

"Akira…what about Mimi?" Yamato spoke up, looking Akira straight in the eye as he spoke. It was something that he did automatically now, whenever he wished to gain the dominant position in a conversation. It tended to make the other person feel uncomfortable and back down. One of the fundamental skills. It would have worked on anyone else, but not Akira, whose skill and discipline exceeded all other members of the Fourth Division. As it turned out, Yamato was the one to look away.

"Maybe next time, Yamato." Akira said with an air of finality.

"Aww come on! What the hell was the point in her coming to the briefing if she wasn't gonna be a part of the mission?" Tomohiro argued from his desk, gesturing to Mimi's wide-eyed face with one hand.

"I just don't think she's ready yet…"

"Ready? I've taught her everything I know, she's not going to get any more ready, Akira." Yamato said with gathering force, encouraged by Tomohiro's support. Sensing the chance to improve her credibility, Lara sat up to contribute.

"If it's such a simple mission, surely it would be the perfect chance for her to experience the real thing. C'mon, I know she'll do great. We won't let anything happen to her and you're coming along too, so…" Akira sighed at Lara's words, glancing at Mimi's hopeful face.

"Alright. Mimi, here you go." He leaned over to hand her a sheet of paper and Mimi squealed happily.

"Oh, wow! Thankyou so much Akira-san! I promise I won't let you down!" She hugged the paper to her chest protectively, grinning at her co-workers. 

"Okay, okay. Now…report back here at 1800 hours. You all need to collect your clothes, and…Matt, I want you and Tomo to accompany me to prepare the location as soon as we're through here. Alright?"

"Yessir, Akira-san!" Tomohiro barked, with a mock salute. Yamato just nodded.

"Lara, you get those floor plans from Koushiro, please. We'll need them for when we leave, in case we get into trouble and have to get out quick. And get an order to the provisional squad that they are to assemble now and then make their way individually to the bar. They have their orders. And Mimi? Costumes, as usual." Akira added curtly, as he gathered his papers together.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Alright! Shut up, both of you!" Taichi sighed and covered his face with his hands for a moment before looking up at the two scowling soldiers sitting in front of him. "It has been a very long, very hard day and I do not have the patience to deal with your pathetic whining," One of the soldiers opened his mouth to speak, but Taichi stopped him by holding up a hand "Let me finish. I don't have the patience to deal with it. Yes, we do have a new ex-Kágè recruit, but it's really not your place to object, since in the short time that he's been here, he has done far more than the both of you put together. And yes, he is staying in my apartment. With my sister, in fact. She's a Medic, in case you wanted to know that too. No, I am not getting rid of him, because he is a personal friend of mine, an excellent soldier and always true to his word. Does that satisfy you? Or do you want me to clarify any other rumours while I'm at it?" He finished acidly. Both soldiers grudgingly shook their heads in unison. "Good. Get out of my sight." Taichi leaned back in his chair as the soldiers left and wondered for the ten thousandth time that day if he would ever get the chance to be a normal person again.

"Tai-kun?" Hiromi asked, pausing in the doorway and glancing disapprovingly down the corridor after the departing soldiers, before turning her attention to her comrade. "You look beat. Bad day?" Taichi nodded. Hiromi had been her normal self all day, and it was nice to finally see a sympathetic face. "A bunch of us are going down to the bar. Wanna come?" Taichi frowned and Hiromi guessed that her friend didn't feel up to a night out. "Or would you rather not leave your sister right now?" She asked gently, glancing at the picture of the young Medic that sat on Tai's desk. 

"No, it's not that…" Taichi began uncertainly, not sure whether he was willing to confide in Hiromi or not.

"You can tell me Tai. You know that. " She said encouragingly, taking a seat on the edge on the mahogany desk and picking up one of the photos for a closer look. It wasn't exactly what you'd expect to find in the office of a military leader, but Taichi refused to remove the countless photos, claiming that they were his only way of keeping sane. All the warm smiles and plastic poses brought back happy memories and made the meticulously clean office seem brighter and friendlier. "Are these your parents?" Hiromi asked, and Taichi glanced at the photo in her hands.

"Yeah. They're living up North somewhere now…we don't really keep in contact anymore."

"I thought your Dad was a soldier?"

"Yeah. Was. He retired early because of an injury to his leg. I think he's working as a technician now or something." Hiromi nodded, glancing around and picking up another photo.

"And what about this? Who are all these people?"

"Just…you know. Friends of mine."

"This one's Hikari isn't it? She looks so…different." Taichi looked away.

"Yeah…" Hiromi sighed and got to her feet. She delicately placed the photograph back in place and then leaned forward, resting her palms against the smooth wood of the desktop. "Tai, how come you never talk to me anymore? We've been working together for years…am I never going to get to know anything about you? Because, like, you know all about me and…you look like you could use someone to listen. Hmm?"

Taichi swallowed. He had stopped confiding in people a long time ago. The war had had that effect on him. He never felt like he should trust anyone anymore. No, he _knew_ he shouldn't trust anyone anymore. It had been drilled into him for years now. Trust no one but yourself and the other Generals. But then, Hiromi was a General…

"I don't really have anything for you to listen to." Taichi said finally. And Hiromi smiled and took a seat in front of the desk once more.

"Sure you do. Tell me anything. Introduce me to all your friends here." She gestured to the photographs that littered the desk and sat back expectantly. Taichi examined the pale face of the girl before him. She seemed to be sincere in wanting to know, so he reached out and turned his favourite picture round to face Hiromi. 

"This is the last picture I had taken with all my friends before the war." He said simply, and Hiromi made a sympathetic face. "This is Kari and her boyfriend Takeru Takaishi, he's that new soldier."

"The one from the Kágè Senshii?"

"Yeah. This is Koushiro…and Mimi. They're both part of the Kágè. I guess Koushiro must be a technician, but I have no idea what Mimi would be doing in the army. Unless she's a Secretary or something. The one with the glasses is Jyou. He disappeared right at the start of the war…he's probably dead by now…or maybe he just left the country." His voice continued emotionlessly, but his finger tracing over the glass paused on the next figure. "This is Sora Takenouchi. Do you remember her? She was a soldier with us until…last spring." Hiromi blinked uncertainly, brow furrowed as she tried to remember. "I doubt you do. She used to be my best friend. God, I miss her."

"What happened to her?" Hiromi asked with a kind of sad, child-like awe that didn't quite seem to fit with her starched green uniform.

"She was shot during that attack on the munitions bunker in B-section."

"I'm sorry." Taichi shrugged. 

"It had to happen, you know? It's war. You can't expect not to lose anyone…I wish it hadn't been Sora, but if it was her time, then it was her time."

"Do you really believe that? That everyone has a 'time'?" Taichi paused, trying to get his thoughts in order.

"I'm not sure…I don't know what I think about anything anymore…maybe I should start trying to work it out. Before it's too late." Hiromi's eyes were downcast as she nodded solemnly, and Taichi realised that all this talk about losing people probably wasn't doing her good. He was desperately trying to think of some way to get his foot out of his mouth, when Hiromi tossed copper curls out of her eyes and smiled.

"Maybe you're right. But let's save that for another day. What about him? Who's that?" Taichi glanced down at the picture that he had almost forgotten he was holding, his eyes coming to rest on the slender blonde that Hiromi was pointing to.

"That? That's Matt." 

"Matt?"

"Yamato."

"Oh." Hiromi grinned. "He's cute. Looks kinda like…Jason." She was referring to her late fiancée and Taichi shifted uncomfortably. But once again, Hiromi seemed unaffected and continued as normal. "Where is he now? He is still…here, right?"

"As far as I know. But he's with the Kágè Senshii…"

"A soldier?" 

"Um…probably." Taichi muttered. He doubted very much that his friend would have become a soldier. It wasn't glamorous enough. Yamato was a member of the Fourth Division, Taichi was certain of it. Yamato would never have settled for anything less. 

"Wow, so I guess it's been a long time since you saw him, huh? You guys look pretty close." Hiromi observed as she studied the photograph in which the two boys stood side by side, one of Taichi's arms slung around the other's shoulders.

"Yeah." Taichi answered softly, laughing inwardly. Hiromi had no idea quite how close the two had been. "You know what?" Taichi said suddenly and Hiromi tore her eyes from the photo to look at her friend.

"What?"

"I think I will come for that drink. I'm feeling a lot better all of a sudden." Hiromi's face lit up as she smiled.

"Really? Great! I'll get my coat!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Ack…I screwed that up pretty bad, didn't I? Well…let me know what you think okay? In the next part there's going to be lots of romance and some character death. And hopefully, an actual plot line. ^^


	2. Just Breathe : part two

Just Breathe

Just Breathe 

part two

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~Natsu~

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Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon in any way, shape or form. Please don't sue me. 

A/N: I'm not too pleased with this chapter, I have to say. I think I need to be less waffly and more concise. It was getting too long again so you're going to have to wait for the next chapter for the romance and blood and all that good stuff. This one's for my bestest friend Atsuko and everyone else who reviewed or e-mailed to tell me to get my lazy ass in gear and write a second part. ^^ 

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'And lately I'm not the only one   
I say never trust anyone 

The trick is to keep breathing' - Garbage

"You're just like your Daddy, Hana!"

"Yeah, we don't want to play with you anymore!"

"Why don't you go desert us, huh? I bet Daddy would be proud!"

"I don't…"

"Shut up! Just leave!"

Jyou frowned at the sound of acidic children's voices and anguished sobs coming from the alley he was passing.

"He's nothing but a no-good deserter! I bet your Ma's glad he's gone!" A little boy wearing a red bobble hat taunted harshly and a girl with tears trailing their way down her pale cheeks cried bitterly,

"He's not! He didn't desert!"

"Then where is he, Hana? Huh? Where is he?" A second boy asked.

Silence.

"I didn't hear that…"

"I don't know," the girl whispered sadly, avoiding their accusing eyes, staring down at her duffel coat, which was splattered with the grime of hateful snowballs.

"Do you want me to tell you Hana?" She bit her lip and shook her head furiously. The boy told her anyway. "They shot him," He said, his words hanging heavily in the air.

"Shot him for deserting," The second boy, with a shock of red hair, added.

"You're lying!" Hana shrieked, fresh tears spilling from her eyes, small fists balling at her sides.

"My Dad saw it. There was blood EVERYWHERE!" Bobble hat smirked, watching with amusement as the poor girl sobbed frantically, clapping mittened hands over her ears. 

"My Dad said that it was General Yagami himself that shot him," The red head informed her, his voice loud enough to reach Hana's ears even through the soggy mittens.

Jyou hated this. What the war was doing to people. Innocent people who had no part in it. The little girl's sobs would have softened the hardest of hearts on any ordinary day, but on a day like today, Jyou could think of many a person who would simply turn the other way. And there were no ordinary days anymore. 

Well he wasn't going to turn the other way. That wasn't what he stood for. He tugged his meagre coat tighter over his thin Kágè Medic uniform and stepped boldly into the alley with an authoritative, "Hey!"

The boys bolted at the first sign of adult interference, leaving Hana weeping heartily, on her knees in the snow. She looked up fearfully as Jyou approached, face softening noticeably as she identified the white uniform.

"Are you okay?" He asked, eyebrows lowered in concern. The girl scrubbed furiously at her cheeks with the back of her hand and managed a weak nod as she accepted the hand that Jyou offered to her and pulled herself to her feet.

"Thank you," She muttered shyly, blinking away the remaining tears. Jyou simply smiled and she glanced up at his lack of response. 

"You're a Medic." She stated, eyeing his uniform. 

"Yes," Not a total lie. Hana frowned.

"My Mom's a Medic too, but…her badge is different to yours," Hana pointed at the sliver of silver pinned to Jyou's chest.

"Is it?" He said, for lack of anything better to say. The little girl glanced nervously in the direction that the two boys had gone, then back at Jyou, suddenly wary.

"I should go home now…thank you again," she muttered politely, turning and jogging out of the alleyway and out of sight, leaving the blue-haired medic with the wrong badge standing alone.

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was raining. Not enough for anyone to actually bother doing anything about it, but just enough to be annoying. And just enough to make Yamato's hair go all fly-away. Tomohiro grinned as he mussed up the blonde hair with one hand, and grinned even harder as Yamato scowled and tried in vain to flatten it again.

"Don't ever touch my hair. How often have I told you that?" He said angrily, swatting away Tomohiro's hand as it came in for its next attack.

"I've just never seen it not be perfect before!" Tomohiro chuckled, but left the other boy alone.

"You should see it first thing in the morning!" Mimi spoke up from behind and then gasped and grabbed Lara's arm to stop herself from falling.

"Yeah, well at least I can actually…walk." Yamato returned, glancing over his shoulder.

"You try walking on this ice in heels!" Lara said, as she helped Mimi to regain her balance, almost falling over herself in the process.

"Now that I'd like to see!" Tomohiro grinned earning another death glare from Yamato.

"Oh well we're just a walking comedy act today, aren't we?" Yamato said dryly, tossing damp bangs out of his eyes and pulling his dark coat tighter around him in defence against the cold evening air.

"Stop it, all of you. We're nearly there, so pipe down." Akira snapped from where he lead the group. His dark hair was dotted with tiny pearls of moisture from the misty rain, and they caught the half-hearted glow of the streetlights that marked the outside of the bar. They stopped at the door, and Tomohiro knelt wordlessly, reaching into his pocket with one hand. Seconds later, the lock was picked and the five spies were inside, stripping off damp coats and glancing around the smoky interior of the bar that was theirs for the night. Mimi wrinkled her nose.

"It smells really weird in here." She stated disdainfully, handing her coat to one of her companions, but not bothering to notice who it was. 

"Better get used to it. You're gonna be working here all night." Tomohiro said, hanging Mimi's coat up and frowning at the back of her head.

"Working…"

"Yeah Mimi, you know that thing where you actually get off your ass and do stuff…"

"I know what work is, thank you. But I still can't believe that I'm finally getting to work with you guys." She grinned, wrapping her arms round herself and rocking on her toes. "It's my big chance to prove myself to you all."

"Yeah. And you'd better not screw up, coz you know who'll get the blame if you do, right?" Yamato said, tying a bar apron around his waist and throwing one to Mimi from where he stood behind the bar. Mimi made no effort to catch it and watched it crumple noiselessly to her feet.

"You missed." Tomohiro pointed out helpfully and Mimi stooped to pick the apron up. 

"Okay, this place opens in an hour, but there's not much left for us to do until then." Akira spoke up "So let's review. We're after anything at all. You hear something that sounds even slightly interesting, you make a note of it, understood? Try to direct conversation. Don't just wait for stuff to fall into your lap. And Lara…you can use your many ah…skills for this one."

"Flirt outrageously with all the drunkards. I reckon I can manage that." She smiled, tucking a notepad into the pocket of her tiny apron and a pencil behind her ear.

"What about the emergency procedures?" Yamato asked as he surveyed the bottles lining the shelves. Someone had to ask it and none of the others ever seemed to bother.

"Nothing'll go wrong…" Tomohiro replied.

"You say that and you know it will."

"Why's that?"

"Because it always works like that. You open your mouth, stupid things come out and we get caught."

"Well if I…" Tomohiro started, being cut off almost immediately by Akira.

"Alright already. Tomo, do we think we could perhaps try being quiet for now? Good. Emergency procedures are…just evacuate, I suppose. Be on the look out for suspicious people…"

"Like ourselves." Mimi contributed, pulling her hair into a loose ponytail.

"Yes, like ourselves. Tell me, call Koushiro and get out. I think you're all sensible enough not to get yourselves killed waiting on tables and mixing drinks. Except maybe Tomo, but Lara, I appoint you to be his buddy for this evening."

"Sure thing."

Tomohiro looked suitably abashed at this.

"And one more thing. No drinking. Any of you. I don't want gibbering, drooling spies who can't walk in a straight line," Akira said sternly, quickly adding, "and no objections. Right. Now all we do is wait."

* * * * * * * * * * *

An hour later the bar was alive and buzzing, the soft chords of old rock being masked by slurring laughter, cheerful voices and the chink of glasses. It was months since Taichi had been here. He didn't really have the time or energy for nights out anymore. And now that he was here, he was already wishing that he hadn't come. The choking smell of vodka, cigarette smoke and cheap cologne was making his head feel light. The place was packed with people, all nodding amiably towards him, calling greetings, saluting drunkenly. He smiled in return every time, but made no effort to talk to any of them, instead sticking as close to Hiromi as was physically possible. He was reminded of when his mother used to take him to family parties when he was young, clinging desperately to her hand, and there would be a thousand and one new people kissing him and pinching his cheek. He knew vaguely who they all were, but had no desire to get to know them more than vaguely. He wanted to be playing soccer with his friends, or watching TV with his little sister. That was the feeling he got now. He wanted nothing more than to be sitting at home doing what he did every single night. Kari would cook and then they'd watch TV and talk until they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer.

Sora would have understood. She always understood him. Losing Yamato to the Kágè Senshii had been hard enough, but losing Sora in the midst of battle had been even harder. At least there was the chance that Yamato was still out there, waiting for him somewhere. Sora was simply…gone. And he'd never got to say goodbye, however cliché that sounded. 

He had never had to tell her anything, she always just knew. But he would tell her anyway, simply because it felt good to talk to her. And she would listen attentively despite the fact that she knew already and that he knew she knew already. It was what he needed now. Sora's shoulder to cry on. But Hiromi and Takeru were already pulling out chairs at a table in a corner and he took a seat with them. 

"You feeling okay Tai?" Takeru's concerned voice broke into his thoughts and he made up his mind that if there was anyone in which he could confide with confidence, it was Yamato's little brother. But before he could even open his mouth, a waitress was upon them with a cheery 'Hi, can I help?' and a fake smile. She was tall and slim with tanned skin, dark hair and soft eyes and although her smile was obviously the standard 'customer smile', it made Taichi feel slightly more at home. 

"I'll just have a beer." He told the smiling girl who was probably about his age and wearing the shortest skirt he'd seen since the war started. She also had a faint accent that Taichi couldn't place.

"Uh huh…" She murmured loudly, scribbling on her little pad, "What brand would you like, hon?" Taichi shrugged.

"Just bring me whatever's your most popular."

"Okay. And for you?" She said, turning the smile to Takeru. Takeru recognised her immediately and blinked.

"Yeah, I'll have the same." He stuttered, glancing around for the tall figure of his brother and spotting him behind the bar. He wondered suddenly if he should tell Taichi. As a Tetsú soldier it was now his duty to report to the two generals that there were spies operating in the area. But he could never turn in his brother. And he had no idea how Taichi would react. From what he knew, Taichi and his brother had split on bad terms when the war started, and he didn't want to risk Yamato getting hurt at his hands. After dithering and sweating for a moment longer, Takeru finally decided to keep quiet about it. This of course left his mind free to wonder if Lara had recognised him. And what would happen if she had.

"Sure thing…" More scribbling.

Taichi noticed that the waitress hadn't questioned the young soldier's age, and wondered why. He had always got asked for ID even when he was over the legal age. He finally settled on the explanation that now, during the war, nobody gave a shit about whether you were old enough to drink or not. People were too busy worrying if the whole country was going to be blown up before morning, or whether they'd be shot by enemy soldiers as they were leaving the bar in their telltale uniforms.

"Anything for you ma'am?" The waitress asked Hiromi, who was twisting around in her chair.

"No thanks. I'm gonna go up and get mine from the bar," she grinned in response, "I like the look of that barman."

Takeru's heart jumped and he glanced quickly at Taichi. Thankfully, he simply rolled his eyes at Hiromi's comments and continued to stare at the black and white photographs of baseball stars that lined the wall above their table. So much for a quiet evening free from worries.

Lara smiled again. "He's a total sweetheart," she told Hiromi and winked before turning with a flick of her hair and strutting back towards the bar.

* * * * * * * * * *

Yamato's attention was carefully focused on drying glasses when Hiromi sauntered up, folding her arms on the top of the bar. He had already been forewarned of her coming by Lara, who had instructed him to talk to a pretty red-head who was coming his way, before dashing off to another table. She had also deliberately neglected to inform Yamato of his brother's presence. She knew Takeru well enough to know that he wouldn't turn them in and she had made the decision to return the favour by not telling anyone that he was here.

Yamato set his glass down and smiled warmly at the girl. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to be getting from her, but Lara was rarely wrong about these things. She smiled back and leant forward to speak to him, revealing as much cleavage as she could through the two undone top buttons of her shirt. Her green Tetsú General's shirt, Yamato noticed suddenly, wondering why he hadn't spotted it straight away. If she was a General, she would be a gold mine for information.

"What can I get for you sweetheart?" He asked amiably, dragging up every ounce of charm he possessed.

"Bacardi and coke please." The girl said, twisting a single copper curl between her fingers flirtatiously.

"Coming right up," Yamato said, continuing to talk as he fixed her drink, "So. A General, huh?" The girl blinked and looked at him blankly for a moment.

"What? Oh…yeah. I guess I am," She said, amidst a coy grin, "It was tough, but I finally managed to claw my way to the top. You?" Yamato handed the girl her drink, before resting his own arms on the bar and randomly picking one of his assorted personas.

"Me? I'm a soldier. Just a reserve though. I haven't had that much training or anything yet," He smiled at the irony, considering the amount of hellish training he had undergone, "I work here most of the time."

"Oh." She swallowed a good quantity of her drink in one go. "Don't you want to be a proper soldier?"

"I guess…maybe. But someone's got to run this place."

"Are you the owner?" She asked in surprise.

"Not exactly. Family business."

"Oh," she said again and frowned, "I don't think I've seen you here before…" Damn. He hadn't been banking on her being a regular. Still, he'd been caught out a lot worse before.

"I normally work in back. They've only just let me loose behind the bar." He grinned. This explanation seemed to satisfy her, as she took a big gulp of her drink and held out her hand with another smile.

"Hiromi Kitase." She said, waiting for Yamato to give his name.

"Shinji Tokoro." He lied smoothly, shaking her hand and holding it just longer than he needed to. Hiromi noticed this and blushed happily.

"So," Yamato said, looking away and resuming drying glasses, "you come here often?"

"Not anymore…no time, y'know?"

"Yeah. It's tough…" Yamato watched with interest as she downed the rest of her drink. "Same again?" Hiromi licked her lips.

"Sure, why not." She sighed, allowing Yamato to continue to make small talk.

"Are you here alone?" He asked as he poured coke into a glass and unscrewed the cap of the Bacardi.

"No…just with a couple of friends. They're over in the corner."

"Uh huh…" Yamato glanced up to look at the occupants of the corner table and promptly spilt Bacardi all over the bar.

"Hey!"

"Oh god, I'm sorry." He muttered, grabbing the noticeably emptier bottle and trying to find someplace to look. 

"Are you alright?" Hiromi asked, her voice a mixture of concern and annoyance that made her sound like the General that she was.

"Yeah…I mean…no, I'm feeling kinda dizzy all of a sudden…" he put a hand to his forehead and swayed convincingly, "maybe I'll talk to you later, huh?"

"Oh…okay." She said uncertainly, backing away a few steps before turning to go back to her table. Yamato didn't watch her leave. Turning his back and sinking slowly down to sit with his back against the smooth mahogany of the bar; he closed his eyes, trying desperately to keep his emotions in check. What the hell was Takeru doing here? He wasn't even allowed to be here! And if he had been sitting with who Yamato thought he had… 

It must have been three years since Yamato had seen that face.

"Matt, what the fuck was that?!" Akira's voice hissed from behind him a moment later, and Yamato dragged open his eyes to look up at his commander who was leaning over the bar. He must have seen from across the room. Yamato sighed.

"I'm sorry." 

"I didn't ask you to apologise, I asked it what it was!"

"It was nothing." 

"What the hell do you mean it was nothing?! You never fuck stuff up like that for 'nothing'."

"Well, I did this time, alright?"

"No. There's something I should know, isn't there?" Yamato looked away. He didn't have the strength to argue.

"Takeru's here." No need to mention Tai. Akira blinked. 

"Oh. Well…that's not too bad. He won't turn us in…I hope," He glanced over his shoulder at the crowded room, "Get off the floor, Matt. People are looking."

"Let 'em look."

Akira's face twisted as if he were about to shout, but instead he leaned further forward and said calmly, "You wanna try thinking when you speak?" Yamato tried. He shook his head and got to his feet.

"Sorry," he apologised again, "You're right. I'm going to get us caught."

"Damn straight you are. So stop it." Akira sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm almost positively certain that Takeru won't say anything…but maybe we should leave just in case. It might look suspicious…but I don't think we should risk staying. What do you think?"  


"I think we should call Koushiro and tell him we're evacuating." Akira opened his mouth to agree, but was stopped by a loud yell followed by an angry female voice. 

* * * * * * * * * * * 

"Takeru, you're not listening to me." Taichi stated irritably, as the young blonde glanced over his shoulder for the umpteenth time since Taichi had started talking.

"What's he doing…"

"TK!" Taichi snapped suddenly, smashing his fist on the table. Takeru jumped, his head whipping back round to face Taichi. Takeru was supposed to be understanding and thoughtful. He was NOT supposed to ignore his brother's best friend while he was pouring out his heart and soul to him. Actually, when he thought about it, he wasn't sure if he could really call himself Yamato's anything anymore. Unless of course he wanted to call himself his enemy.

Takeru was staring at him apologetically now, and Taichi felt guilty for snapping at him. It couldn't have been easy – swapping sides like that. Not being certain where he stood anymore. He was still just a kid as well, and now he didn't have Yamato to look out for him either. New Tetsú friends that he couldn't trust, old Kágè friends after his traitorous blood. And all because he had fallen in love and followed his heart. He had it even worse than Taichi.

"I'm sorry…I'm just…distracted. I'm listening now." Takeru said with a timid smile and Taichi shook his head.

"It's alright. I'm sorry that I snapped like that. It's been a tough day…hell, it's been a tough three years. For all of us. I have no right to get on your case about not listening…" Taichi babbled, suddenly feeling that he was talking to a stranger. 

"No. Really, it's my fault. I'm paying attention now, honest I am. What did you want to say?" Takeru said with a warm smile. It was the kind of smile that made you just want to break down and cry on his shoulder, pouring out all your problems, however trivial they were. But, Taichi wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. He sighed. 

"Not much. But…Takeru can I ask you something?" Taichi asked thoughtfully, really noticing how similar Takeru was to his older brother.

"Sure. Shoot." 

"I know you can't talk about it in detail…but just a 'yes' or 'no'…this has been killing me since… a long time…and now after…Sora, I just want to know," Takeru frowned at the serious tone of Taichi's voice, "Is…Matt okay?" The younger boy's face paled and Taichi felt ill. Was he about to hear something he didn't want to know? Takeru swallowed hard. 

"What?" He croaked weakly after a moment.

"Is Yamato alright? I mean, last time you saw him? Oh god…I haven't put my foot in it, have I?" Taichi asked, his voice thick with worry.

"Is he…okay?" Takeru echoed. Taichi nodded and Takeru let out a breath. "I'm sorry, I thought you said something else. Um…I don't know if I should answer…"

"Please," Taichi begged "You know things weren't right between us before the war started…and I feel so guilty about having never resolved anything…" Takeru sighed and glanced nervously over his shoulder again, presumably checking that nobody was listening to their conversation.

"Well…okay. But you have to answer a question for me as well."

"Of course."

"Alright," another glance, "He's just fine," Taichi breathed a sigh of relief, "Or as fine as can be expected. He's having kind of a tough time what with…" Takeru stopped abruptly and shook his head. He was saying too much. "He's fine." He repeated and Taichi nodded mutely.

"Okay," he said after a moment, "what was your question?"

"Whatever happened with you two? Did you have a fight or…"

"Sort of." Taichi looked away. "I don't really know what it was…well I do, but I mean…I don't know if I can explain…TK?" The boy had turned around again and was scanning the room in confusion, not even bothering to hide that he was looking for something. "What the hell is so interesting over there?" Taichi asked, getting to his feet and peering into the crowds of people.

"Huh? Oh…I was just looking for Hiromi…and here she comes!" Takeru said too loudly as Hiromi approached the table.

"Yeah." She said dejectedly, eyeing Takeru strangely. "What's the matter with you?"

Troubled blue eyes flicked towards the bar and then to Taichi before he looked at Hiromi. "Nothing…I…I just…Tai, is it okay if I go back home? I've got a funny feeling all of a sudden…I want to get back to Kari…"

"You can't go alone." Taichi said firmly. Even he rarely braved the streets alone anymore. 

"I'll go." Hiromi piped up, getting to her feet once more. "This place is getting me down..."

* * * * * * * * *

Hiromi and Takeru had only been gone for a minute or two when Taichi heard the commotion in the centre of the room. 

"Ow! Jesus! What the fuck are ya tryin' to do?!" a drunken voice roared over the crowds.

"Touch me again and I'll do a lot worse!!!" Taichi recognised the second voice immediately. The number of times she had screeched at him like that for one thing or another, her voice still with a whisper of an American accent. 

"Oh my God…" He muttered under his breath. And made his way forward, stumbling between the staring drunks and wooden bar chairs.

"Mimi! Stop it!" 

Taichi peered over the shoulder of a huge soldier to see Mimi Tachikawa being physically restrained by the dark-haired waitress from earlier. A soldier with scruffy platinum blonde hair was climbing to his feet, one hand pressed to the side of his face. Mimi was wearing the same black and white uniform as the waitress and her eyes burned with anger as she struggled against the hands holding her. "Please!" The waitress begged, "Just stop, will you?!" Taichi was trying to decide whether he should try to do something or not when a tall man with smooth dark hair and an authoritative scowl stepped in.

"Alright, break it up!" He barked and everyone turned to look at him. Mimi stopped struggling and glared at her feet guiltily. This guy was obviously in charge, the owner of the bar, probably her boss. The waitress stepped hastily aside as the tall man grabbed Mimi by her arm, and growled angrily "What do you think you're doing hitting customers?" 

"That bastard grabbed my ass!" She cried shrilly, gesturing dramatically towards the obviously drunk blonde soldier who narrowed his eyes, not looking the least bit ashamed. The dark-haired man did not look impressed and let his breath out through his teeth in irritation. He let go of Mimi's arm and turned in a political manner to the tables of staring people.

"Sorry about this everyone. Everything's under control. Just go back to your…"

"Hey!" The tall man blinked as he was interrupted and every head in the bar turned to look at who had spoken. It was one of the soldiers that Taichi had been reprimanding earlier. His name was Yutaka, if Taichi remembered correctly, and he was quite obviously completely pissed. "Hey!" He yelled again, jabbing a finger towards the bar owner. "Yeah, you! I know you…" Yutaka slurred turning his head and staring suspiciously at the guy. "You're the one! The one…" He snapped his fingers, his alcohol-clouded brain searching for a name. The dark-haired man raised an exasperated eyebrow. 

"Sakaguchi!" Yutaka yelled suddenly. The whole bar seemed to freeze at the statement. Sakaguchi? As in Akira Sakaguchi? Was he the one? Taichi's senses snapped back a second too late, along with everyone else's as the bar erupted with noise and movement. Akira was already moving, pushing his way through a swinging back door that was held open for him to pass; getting away. Everything seemed to move in a blur. Taichi was vaguely aware of Mimi leaving with the waitress and someone else, but it didn't seem to be important and it slipped out of his mind as soon as he had noticed it. Somebody…one of his soldiers, presumably, pushed a rifle into Taichi's hands with an encouraging comment and he was moving towards the door through which Akira had escaped through before he had quite registered exactly what was happening.

* * * * * * * * *

The rain outside had quickly turned to feathery snowflakes that danced through the freezing air, settling on the thin layer of white that already covered the icy ground. The snow made a perfect spotless canvas, which couldn't have been less perfect for the two escaping spies.

Yamato gritted his teeth as the cold bit savagely through his thin cotton shirt, and a hundred pinpricks of ice assaulted his face with a sudden gust of wind. He remembered, when he was young, how he used to adore snow. He'd always get to see his brother and they'd lie on their backs in the soft drifts of the park and make snow-angels, standing up carefully and leaping away, so as not to spoil the shape with their footprints. Now he had grown to hate the snow and dread winter. All it brought was a bleak, desolate atmosphere to the already bleak and desolate city. Not to mention how dangerous it was for them to be trailing footprints behind them wherever they went. 

He ran in step with Akira, the two of the moving together through the twisting network of back alleys. His mind drifted, barely focusing on the task of remembering where he was going. This had happened a thousand times before, mostly due to Tomohiro's mouth, and they always managed to get away. Once they made it to the back alleys they were normally safe. It was widely known as Fourth Division territory and there were few Kágè soldiers who would risk their neck by entering a darkened maze, crawling with enemy spies.

The problem of the footsteps worried him slightly, but Akira didn't seem phased and he could no longer hear a pursuer, so providing they could get to some clearer ground, they would probably be safe.

The first shot brought that thought crashing down around him in a shower of splintered pieces.

His head whipped towards the sound in perfect unison with Akira's but the second shot sounded before he could locate the source. His footsteps faltered as Akira's tall body crumpled to the ground beside him. That wasn't right. Yamato knew that that definitely wasn't right. He turned sharply lowering himself into a hasty crouch, to stare wide-eyed at his fallen comrade. 

His fallen comrade who was obviously very dead.

His mouth moved soundlessly as he pressed two fingers to Akira's neck even though searching for a pulse was pointless when you looked at the blossoming cloud of red spreading far too quickly from the back of the spy's head. Something clenched in his chest but his impeccably trained mind instantly snapped his attention to the approaching footsteps and away from any kind of emotion. With practised grace Yamato was on his feet in a second and sprinting noiselessly into the darkness as if nothing had happened.

* * * * * * * * *

A/N: Um…yeah. Review, please? 


	3. Just Breathe : part three

Just Breathe 

Just Breathe 

Part three

~Natsu~

A/N: I've just spent a week at home on my own and I am soooo bored. Which explains why this is getting written. I have too much spare time. ^^ Anyway…this part is going to be better than the last. I'm determined it is. I am going to prove to everyone that I am actually capable of writing a decent fic. There's some Takari in this part but…for the record I'd just like to say that I don't especially like Takari as a coupling (I also don't like the scene in this where they're talking on the roof…it's crap, crappety crap. I was having a block, okay?). I'm using it here because TK had to have some reason to swap sides and there's no Daisuke in this fic. *grins* This chapter is made up of a lot of small scenes, but there's going to be more flow next time.

Oh and remember what I said about the Christianity thing. Okay?

For V.G. who has been so incredibly supportive. Feel free to mail me anytime and thank you so much so your encouraging reviews! *hugs*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue.  
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you.  
Allocate your sentiment, and stick it in a box.  
I've never been an extrovert, but I'm still breathing."

- Placebo

Taichi approached the crumpled body cautiously, boots crunching heavily through the frosting of snow that covered the ground. Just because the spy was down, didn't mean he was dead. And besides, he knew wasn't safe unless two bodies had fallen. Slinging the rifle across his back, he reached to his hip for the smaller gun that permanently nestled there in its holster. 

He crouched as quietly as he could. His eyes, wide in the gloom, flicked warily up and down the alley making him look for all the world as if he were as innocent as the day he had been born. 

It was enough to make even the bravest person feel the tightness of claustrophobia. Towering brick walls on either side, tattooed by graffiti announcing undying love and undying hatred thrown amongst an assortment of names and expletives. A rusty iron fire escape wound it's twisted way up the side of one building and it looked to Taichi as if it would do the unfortunate escapee more harm than good in the event of a fire. Through it all, a sharp trail of perfect white footprints sprinted their way from the scene. The other spy was gone. 

The body – it was quite obvious from this distance that it was now safe to call it just that – was sprawled unceremoniously in a splatter of red, dusted with vagrant snowflakes. Taichi frowned as he reached forward and rolled the ample bulk of the Forth Division leader onto it's back and was met with a glassy, red-washed stare. He slid the eyelids shut with a short-lived, yet irrepressible sense of regret that still assaulted him with every fresh drop of blood on his conscience. 

There was no doubting that it was Sakaguchi, and he supposed that the spy's death would make his job easier, but…there was still a nagging doubt in the head of the young General. So Sakaguchi was gone. Surely now they would have to deal with a new leader, one whose face and name they didn't know. Surely the Fourth Division would retaliate with everything they had. Surely…surely, he should be following the other spy.

Taichi glanced wearily up the alley, eyes following the footsteps as far as he could see. He sighed as he suddenly realised that he didn't care. If the spy was of a high enough rank to work alongside Sakaguchi they were hardly going to be careless enough to lead a pursuer back to their base anyway. Taichi pushed himself to his feet, turned and began the walk back to the bar, using the three dwindling trails of footprints as a guide. Shoulders lowered, posture casual and with a patented air of masculine confidence

As if nothing had happened. 

* * * * * * * * * 

Several heads snapped towards the door as Yamato burst in, annoyed that someone had the gall to interrupt the service in light of the recent turn of events in the world outside of Japan. Breathless and exhausted, Yamato discreetly tucked his conspicuous blood-stained hands behind his back and lowered his head respectively to the minister who continued his preachings with hardly a skipped beat. 

The tousled blonde spy slid into the nearest pew, desperately trying to calm his thudding heart. His fingers were numb with cold, while his throat burned painfully. After leaving Akira's side, he hadn't stopped running until he had burst from the alleys via an unfamiliar route and was met with the soft glow of stained glass and the haunting sound of solemn hymns. A neutral church. Something that was hard to come by and a welcome sight to snow-choked eyes.

The minister was gesturing expressively, calling something to his congregation. It slipped through Yamato's ears, the pounding of blood blocking out the intoxicating voice from the front of the room. As one, the room bowed their heads and clasped their hands for a prayer. Yamato mimicked their actions, making an effort to listen to the people closest to him and joining in on autopilot as soon as he recognised the familiar murmurings. 

What would it mean, Akira's death? How would the Fourth Division manage without him? How would Yamato manage without him? All around, his confidantes seemed to be dropping like flies. At the start of the war there had been the initial shock of their supposedly inseparable group becoming suddenly torn apart. Sora, Jyou, and Hikari, all gone in the blink of an eye. He may not have been particularly close to them, but they were always there. And always offered comfort. As for Taichi…it would still be a while before Yamato was able to forget about him and let go of the hope that the war would end tomorrow and everything could go back to the way it was. 

Then his parents had died in an explosion and only a few months later Takeru had left. And now Akira…if this kept up, Yamato would be completely alone in no time. Unless of course he was the next one to go. Perhaps that was be the best thing he had to look forward to. The time when he was no longer required to fight passionately for a cause he had long since forgotten.

"Amen," The congregation chorused, raising their eyes expectantly to the minister. 

From day one, Akira had helped him through it. Through everything. Through his training. He had been the friend when there was no one else there. A friend and a teacher and a valiant leader, a leader who Yamato had respected more than anyone. Especially in Taichi's absence. 

Wayward tears burned at the corners of Yamato's eyes as countless pessimistic images of the collapse of the infamous Fourth Division coursed through his brain. 

"Yamato," His name, whispered by a familiar voice that he couldn't place jerked Yamato from his thoughts. He blinked, looking up and the person sitting expectantly in the pew in front of him.

"Holy f…" He remembered where he was and clamped his lips shut before the next word escaped. The blue hair was shorter, rougher than Yamato remembered it being. Heavy shadows were smudged across the pale skin beneath inky eyes that were just as haunted as Yamato's own. He was wearing a heavy overcoat that hung limply from too-slim shoulders and there was a jagged scratch across one lens of his glasses. He looked different…but there was still no mistaking who it was.

Jyou smiled.

"Oh my…Jyou? I thought…I thought…you were dead," Yamato stuttered, trying his damnedest to keep his voice low and unobtrusive. 

"Unfortunately I'm not," Jyou said dryly. 

"But…" Yamato shook his head helplessly as his brain struggled to deal with the death of one friend and the…non-death of another. "But, where have you been? I haven't seen you since the start of the war. I…" He noted that Jyou was wearing the pale blue uniform of a Tetsú Medic. Well, that explained that one. Jyou was part of the Tetsú Senshii. Yamato glanced down instinctively and felt a wash of relief at the realisation that he was not wearing his tell-tale black uniform.

Jyou sighed. He didn't have time for this.

"Yamato," He repeated. He didn't know what had happened to the normally sharp mind of his blonde friend, but judging by the blood on his hands and the thin piece of soaked cotton that was his only comfort against the bitter cold outside, he'd just been through something not particularly pleasant. "Yamato, I came to ask you something."

"Ask me…"

"To ask you something, yes. And let me tell you, you're not an easy guy to find."

"But…what? Why do you want to…"

"Yamato, this is important. Please try to listen and understand. We have to go somewhere more private though," Jyou said patiently, noting a familiar glaze of detachment steadily washing over Yamato's eyes, "I know it might be hard right now, but just…try, okay?"

Yamato nodded mutely, his mind a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts. 

* * * * * * * * *

"Takeru?" Hikari's voice jolted Takeru from his thoughts. He turned to see his girlfriend step through the door that led from the apartment onto the roof. She shivered in the frigid air and wrapped goose-pimpled arms instinctively round her slim midriff. She trotted over to where he sat at the edge, looking out over the war-torn, white-washed city.

"What are you still doing out here?" She asked softly, settling herself down next to the blonde soldier, "You'll freeze."

"Just thinking."

Hikari's mouth twitched into a smile, "You sound like…" Your brother. She paused. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Her eyebrows dipped and instead she said with cautious and calculated cheerfulness, "Did you hear that Tai got Sakaguchi?"

Takeru nodded mutely, looking, if possible, even more detached.

"Don't you think that's great?" She watched closely as he hesitated, glanced warily at her out of the corner of his eye then slowly shook his head.

"Why?" She asked cautiously. Since Takeru had arrived, she had been very careful about what she said to him. She knew how hard he had it and she didn't want to push him for fear of making things worse for him. But Takeru knew he could trust her…didn't he? Keeping things bottled up was never good.

When Hikari received no response, she decided to press him. She knew vaguely that Takeru had been associated in some way with the Fourth Division and her brother seemed certain that Yamato was a part of it so…

"Did you…know him?" 

Takeru looked at her. He had. She felt a sudden wave of remorse. She had never stopped to think that Sakaguchi was actually…well, a person. He had always just seemed like a name. The next obstacle. Like in a video game, the next boss you had to beat. Was she losing any kind of sensitivity she possessed? Was this what war did to you? Were the years of conflict she had born witness to since that faithful day when she had first found out that she was the Eighth Child finally starting to take their toll on her? Perhaps she was losing her light.

Takeru was speaking to her.

"…really tight." 

"Sorry?"

"I said, I didn't know him that well, but he and my brother were really tight." 

"Oh. So…" Hikari could feel an idea about what was wrong forming in her mind, "is it making you think of Yamato?" She noticed that Takeru seemed to wince at the mention of his brother's name.

"Yeah…but…Hikari, if I tell you this, you have to swear that you won't tell anyone. Not even Taichi." Takeru said, turning fully to face the slight brunette beside him.

"Okay." She said sincerely.

"They used to work together. Like, always. And I just…I mean, if they got Akira then…what if, you know, they…I mean…" Takeru trailed off, looking anguished. It was what Hikari had thought. He was worried that the same thing had happened to his brother.

"Takeru-kun, we'd know if Yamato was…well…"

"How?"

"I don't…Takeru, I'm sure he's okay. Don't you think Tai would have noticed if he'd shot him?" She added with the barest trace of a smile.

"I guess…" He said doubtfully and Hikari wonder if 'shot him' had been the most tactful thing to say.

She sighed. She hadn't wanted to tell him yet.

"Takeru? You know what, he is okay. I sent Jyou to talk to him last night."

Takeru started.

"You did?! Why?"

"I thought maybe he could help us TK. Think how valuable someone with…"

"Yeah, if he agrees. He's so stubborn, Hikari, it's gonna take more than a little chat to get him to join."

"I know that but…"

"Don't get your hopes up."

Hikari frowned. That wasn't what Takeru was supposed to say. He was supposed to be encouraging, enthusiastic…hopeful. When did the phrase 'don't get your hopes up' enter his vocabulary? 

"I won't," She muttered defeatedly, lowering her eyes and getting up to leave her boyfriend to his 'thinking'.

* * * * * * * * * *

Koushiro couldn't remember the last time he had seen someone cry so passionately. He watched quietly from a corner as Tomohiro and Lara made valiant attempts to console the sobbing Mimi. He wasn't a very 'hands on' kind of guy and his adopted role in this kind of situation was the sympathetic, but clear-headed onlooker. He joined the emotions in a calm and unenthusiastic way, the permanent designated driver of the group. Never noticeably there in the thick of it, but always appearing from nowhere to catch you as you passed out or to hold your hair back as you threw up.

The red-haired technician watched as the three spies huddled together protectively, Mimi pouring her very essence into Tomohiro's shoulder and Lara stroking her hair maternally from behind.

"They're gonna be okay, Mimi," Tomohiro murmured pacifyingly for what had to be at least the ten-thousandth time and was once again answered only by sorrowful gabble that only his shoulder could distinguish. Koushiro glanced at the door. There was some vague notion in the back of his mind that if you willed something to happen hard enough, it would. Of course he knew perfectly well that that was scientifically impossible, but it didn't stop him from wanting to believe. It was the way a dying non-believer will suddenly drop to their knees and pray for forgiveness and salvation from the God that they have scorned for so long. 

"They will, Mimi…c'mon honey, they're big boys. They can take care of themselves. They haven't disappointed us yet now, have they?"

Mimi lifted her face from Tomohiro's shirt, turning awkwardly to face Lara. 

"That…doesn't mean…anything." She choked out. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were blotchy, with strands of silky hair sticking to their damp surface. "There's a first time for…there's a first…" She trailed off, pushing herself away from the comfort of her friends and brushing a hand carelessly across her face to shift the unruly hair that seemed to be tangling itself in sympathy for it's distraught owner. 

"Koushiro?" She asked, voice trembling as she stepped up to his corner, ready to be caught as she fell.

"Yes." He replied, not bothering to make it sound questioning.

The pretty brunette glanced at the door over her shoulder, and swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to form enough words for a full sentence. All she succeeding in doing was producing more tears, that rolled casually over her cheeks to hang on her jawbone before dropping to the golden floorboards of their current base. But Koushiro found that he knew what she wanted him to tell her.

"If anyone's going to make it safely out of that situation, it'll be the two of them. Akira is simply the best we have and Yamato won't give up so easily either." He said levelling, forcing his tone to sound only mildly concerned.

She gave him a sceptical look, teamed with conflicting hopeful sob, and Tomohiro added from behind, "Yeah, Mimi, they're fighters! Don't tell me you don't believe in them now."

"Of course I do but…if…"

"Honey, this is what it's like at the top," Lara started, getting to her feet, "If you act like this whenever one of us goes missing for a couple of hours, what're you gonna do when something worse happens? Heaven forbid."

"I know…I know…"

Hearts stopped and heads turned as Mimi was cut off by the familiar sound of the combination lock on the door being keyed in. Everyone was on their feet as the door opened and Yamato stepped through. Koushiro blinked. Just Yamato. One of them. One of them wasn't good enough. He felt his blood turn suddenly to ice. He knew exactly what it meant when a spy returned to base alone. He had seen it happen far too many times.

Lara and Tomohiro knew it too and as the three veterans stood frozen, mouths hanging open in shock, Mimi rushed forwards with childish delight. 

"Thank God!" She cried, her tears already forgotten as her face twisted into a smile. A smile that disappeared almost instantly as Yamato lifted haunted eyes to meet her. She faltered and then shattered.

"Where…what happened to Akira?" She asked. Yamato simply stared, and Koushiro felt every last drop of hope ebb from his being at his friend's silence.

"Yamato? Where's Akira?" Mimi prompted desperately and her face paled as Yamato held up two blood-stained hands in answer. 

This time Koushiro really did have to catch her.

* * * * * * * * * *

__

"I'm a member of a movement called the Shiro Senshii."

__

"Who the hell came up with that name?"

"Our founder of course. What we are is- "

"I guess that explains that badge then…"

"Yes. Now stop interrupting and focus. Our group is fighting for an immediate end to the war and lasting peace in Japan. It's still small and lacking in many departments, but that's what I'm here for."

"You're gonna end the war? Whatever. Half these people don't seem to even want an end Jyou. They just like fighting."

"Don't say stuff like that. Now, like I was saying, I am a, imaginatively named, Collector. And I…"

"Collect."

"Yes, I collect information mostly, but I'm also in charge of recruitment. It's my job to seek out those with superior skill, a desire for peace and an open mind. Can you see where I'm going with this?"

"……You want to recruit me?"

"Bingo."

"Recruit me to do what?"

"What you do."

"But…Jyou, I'm already a part of the Kágè Senshii I can't abandon them."

"You don't have to. You see, that's the thing, almost all our members are already part of Kágè or Tetsú, even our founder. It's a unification of anyone who wants to bring peace to our country. That's the reason we've been so successful already. We have inside information on both sides."

"How have you been successful?"

"We help where we are needed."

"Oh. Well…I don't know Jyou. This really is the worst possible time you could have chosen to come talk to me."

"It was the only time I could have talked to you."

"………"

"You don't have to make up your mind right now. Just…think about it and I'll come and see you again soon."

"When?"

"Soon."

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Well I have to say, I'm impressed, Yagami. I didn't know you had it in you," General Ishi mumbled around the cigar that hung limply from huge, wobbly lips.

"Thank you sir," Taichi muttered in reply, his nose crinkling instinctively at the foul-smelling smoke that wafted through the room. General Ishi basically owned the Tetsú. The original idea had been that the five Generals would run the organisation together but Ishi had taken charge right from the start and since no one had ever bothered to do anything about it he had stayed in charge. By the time Taichi became a General, there was not a soldier left who would dare question his leadership. 

"So…the question is…now what?" The General said with rehearsed thoughtfulness, puffing out a perfect smoke ring. 

"Get rid of the next one," another General, General Kirogi, stated plaintively as if on a stage cue. Ishi's right-hand man and resident slime ball. Taichi couldn't stand the sight of him.

"What do you mean 'next one'?" Taichi asked suspiciously.

"Well Yagami…it's something you mentioned to me yourself. When we first started after Akira you said it was pointless because he wasn't the heart of the Fourth Division and that as soon as he was gone, another would replace him. Do you remember?"

"Yes Sir."

"Yes well…after careful consideration I have decided…to accept your point. However, we don't really have the men to waste looking into it too deeply. So therefore it is your squad's new assignment."

"Sir, surely we don't need the whole squad just to…"

"No, no Yagami. It is your assignment. The rest of us will continue to carry out my battle plans," The General paused for effect, twisting the smoking butt of the cigar into an ashtray, "And perhaps this will teach you to question my strategies."

"But Sir, to be fair," the only female voice in the room piped up, "he was the one who killed Akira. If that doesn't count as being loyal to your 'strategies', I don't know what does," Hiromi said.

"There's a difference between loyalty and mindless following, General Kitsune." Ishi said calmly.

"I still don't think that that's any reason to cut him out of…"

"Are you questioning me also, Kitsune?" Ishi said, turning in his chair to coldly address the young red head.

"No Sir."

"Good. Then you can escort Yagami out of here."

Hiromi complied silently, walking from the room at Taichi's side. 

After the two youngsters had left the room, General Ishi turned to Kirogi and the last of the five Generals, General Dairiseki. Dairiseki was a cold, quiet man. He was known amongst the ranks for his towering height and his twisted sense of humour.

"That's him dealt with, then," Ishi said in a characteristic murmur of disinterest. The other two nodded. They had come to the conclusion a month or so earlier that Taichi couldn't be trusted. He didn't take orders the way he used to. He made too many decisions without consulting the rest of them. He answered back. 

And just recently he had let in a new soldier from the Kágè Senshii, no questions asked.

He was either a traitor, or a traitor in the making. And it only made sense to cut him out of operations. Of course, this was a perfect way of hitting two birds with one stone. Taichi's squad battled like a dream and they suffered fewer defeats than any of the other squads. They were, therefore, the best squad to bring about the downfall of the Fourth Division.

"Now, Gentlemen," Dairiseki said calmly, "all we need do is wait." 

* * * * * * * *

"Yamato?" Koushiro asked tentatively, crouching beside his solemn friend. Tomo and Lara had escorted the distraught Mimi home when she had regained consciousness about an hour ago. With the latest turn of events Koushiro still had some loose ends to tie up before he could leave. This being one particularly important end. Yamato turned his head wearily in the direction of the red-haired Technician's voice. Koushiro sighed and started tying.

"Yamato…I know that this probably isn't the best time…but I'm supposed to tell you straight away."

Yamato just blinked numbly. A good enough sign that he was listening. 

"I…Akira named you as his successor."

It wasn't really a surprise.

__

"The trick is to keep breathing"

- Garbage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Mmm. Now the next part is going to be dramatic and exciting all the way. Unless something goes horribly wrong. So…yes. And Taito! We will have actual Taito in the next bit! I promise. *cheers*


	4. Author's note: Please read

Untitled Document

Taken from the most recent update to my site:

I'm working on 'London Rain' (Chapter four up soon) and trying my hand at some Final Fantasy, but...I'm afraid that Just Breathe is not going to be completed.

I don't need to remind you of the horrific events in America last week. They had a tremendous impact on me and I don't even live there anymore. I sat down and cried for ages and could hardly bear to watch the news. It was terrifying and devastating and just...a terrible, terrible thing. I can't do it justice with words. We all know.

The thing is...'Just Breathe' is about a third world war. And the dramatic ending was going to be...well, very complicated...but basically, it was going to end with a terrorist attack on Tokyo that resulted in the collapse of the city. Lots of the characters were going to die and...in light of the recent events, I think that continuing with that would be completely tasteless and insensitive. I really apologise to anyone who was enjoying the fic, but I don't want to write something like that anymore and so I am leaving it incomplete.

Perhaps I'll continue with it at a later date, but I very much doubt it.  
  
My heart and soul go out to anyone who has lost someone and I hope you all understand.

Feel free to mail me if you have anything to say: whatever@addictivepersonality.com 


End file.
